so the fourth of february has come without myself quite noticing – sure, i’ve looked at the calendar and seen it, i’ve said happy birthday, i’ve not missed work or rehearsal, but it seems strange that only just know it registered – january has gone by in a whirl of busyness and depression, so february hit me quite by surprise – the last days were spent sleeping, while i worked diligently at night – that might be another reason for my sense of lost time – people who spent their nights painting stages and kitchens, shouldn’t be surprised, if they sleep away half the day and find it hard to go to sleep the following night – ergo, my days and nights are reversed – last night i stayed awake for hours, writing on my stage-version of ronja – seriously, i was stuck so many times, i would rather have been painting again – painting in a lustrous wo(o)lf-gray with good music and even better company and a glass or two of champagne to wash down the paint afterwards

i should be feeling like this

instead, i feel great – no more cold, no more cries, no more cough – i have been thinking a little more just of myself and that is very good – i feel better and those dark, depressive days seem to be over for now – it’s been a week since i felt the worst (not even cleaning the apartment helped – it was awful), so maybe chances are good that there was a final blow and now the air is clean – i am willing to try to think all the things i can think – i’ll wear my whiskers and hat today and pretend to be the cat in the hat – i’ll have fun!

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