i am stupid and wet and cold and miserable with a capital M – life can really suck and how i ever believed things could change is now completely lost on me – some things never change and my life back from the big city is not how i imagined it would be – it seems like i was never gone in some ways and still it is impossible to pick up right where i left off – having been missed and being welcomed back is rather nice and i do enjoy old habits – but i truly wish i could have left some habits deeply buried in the abysses of the past, instead of taking them out the first chance i get and afterwards feeling worse than i have in months

and now i am lonely, oh so lonely and a bottle of blackberry wine my only companion for tonight – really, feeling more and more like an old spinster each day – that is ridiculous – just as ridiculous as me thinking i could change things and forget so easily – at least the wine is yummy and goes well with chocolate ice-cream and there’s always time to regret later – tonight i am getting drunk, sadly alone and rather lonesome, but at least i’ve got good music and i guess a couple of more glasses and i’ll be dancing around wildly and stupidly – is that sad? – i believe so, but right now i don’t give a fuckin’ damn about it – i am miserable and this makes it feel a little more bearable