cruel awakening- some months ago, when we started rehearsing, i was almost begged to be part of the choir – i refused, due to my knowledge of not sounding pretty, when i sing – i was convinced that it would be fine and work out just perfectly – i put loads and loads and loads of energy into it and singing became fun – i was singing in the shower, on my bike to work, sometimes even at work – the whole time unaware that i must have been a nuisance to everyone listening – assured that no one had said anything and even compilmented my singing during rehearsals, i sang freely away

but now things are changed – some real practiced girls have joined the group and suddenly it turns out, i am not all that needed after all and since i really cannot singall that well, it’s best, if i don’t actually singon stage – i could come and rehearse if it’s fun, but it would kinda ruin the whole thing, if someone obviously sang wrongly during a performance – not that i am all that awful, but really, i am the weakest link etc. etc. etc. – could there be a more painful way of telling someone that they are dispensable? – i think my self-esteem just sunk by about 98%

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