nooooooooooo

no, no, no, no, no – i don’t want to – no, please, no – deep, deep, deep despair – don’t leave – it will never be the same – i need this doctor, i do, i do, i do

in could not sing to save my soul

cruel awakening- some months ago, when we started rehearsing, i was almost begged to be part of the choir – i refused, due to my knowledge of not sounding pretty, when i sing – i was convinced that it would be fine and work out just perfectly – i put loads and loads and loads of energy into it and singing became fun – i was singing in the shower, on my bike to work, sometimes even at work – the whole time unaware that i must have been a nuisance to everyone listening – assured that no one had said anything and even compilmented my singing during rehearsals, i sang freely away

but now things are changed - some real practiced girls have joined the group and suddenly it turns out, i am not all that needed after all and since i really cannot singall that well, it’s best, if i don’t actually singon stage – i could come and rehearse if it’s fun, but it would kinda ruin the whole thing, if someone obviously sang wrongly during a performance – not that i am all that awful, but really, i am the weakest link etc. etc. etc. – could there be a more painful way of telling someone that they are dispensable? – i think my self-esteem just sunk by about 98%

dancing it out

this is very scary – especially considering that the whole world is watching the outcome of the upcoming elections in the US – fun is good, but this is too much – okay, i laughed, but then i started thinking – is this how we want to see the future president of the united states? – he will be one of the most important people in the world and probably the most influential – comedy is all fine and well – but political comedy, especially in the US, is something quite different – people are easily influenced – palin is the best dancer = palin wins = palin will be popular = mccain/palin will win – in a country where campaigning has become a gameshow, it’s no wonder, presidents like bush are elected – popular vote indeed!

pornstache

urban dictionary says: “funky looking mustache common among male porn stars” – i say: “me not likey!” – some shocking examples:

orlando bloom – not totally my type, but not bad-looking either – add a pornstache and it’s a total no no

this one, i hardly recognized – but it really is matt damon – scary

if not put of by this wonderful example, the stars-and-stripes speedo would certainly do the trick for me – i’d run and scream- and what’s with the M tattoo? – hello? we know his name’s michael phelps, why point that out? (sorry, the real photo somehow got lost and this is but a poor excuse of a substitute)

dream diary, part IV

people and things, themes and ideas tumbled around in my various dreams last night – a colorful mixture of comedy, romance, tragedy and action – i can hardly remember anything – only … i was shopping for gloves and found the perfect ones – this morning i woke up and had to hurry to work – it was freezing and i didn’t have any gloves, let alone the perfect ones from my dream – i got to work with bright red hands and disaster took it’s course

 

i am currently sending out 3032 catalogues: putting catalogue into envelope, adding letter, closing envelope, stamping envelope, packing it into a box – it seems to take forever – i finished 200 yesterday and came to work today to find that the letter had a major misprint!!! – we wouldn’t send it out again, but we had to find a way to figure out, which 200 of the 3032 addressees had already gotten theirs in order not to double send it – complete confusion, which ended up in my spending 2 hours trying to figure it out and another 3 hours packing catalogues into envelopes – orange catalogues! – i don’t like orange anymore!!!

kitten love

having a bad day …?

… well, it can only get better …

… just ignore that the world is hell and have fun …

… don’t mind anybody else and be happy with who you are!

men in stripes

me likey – me likey very much – when guys wear striped shirts, they become ever so much more attractive to me – here some random examples

busy being fabulous

didn’t i tell you? – things got ever so much better and today i am on that happy cloud again – i will be dr caro some day tangibly closer – today i talked to the professor, who is to supervise the project and it was exactly as great as i hoped it would be – no, even better – a kick-ass topic, which will take me back to the world of books and finding half a sentence in an article that leads to a new conclusion and more reading and digging – oh, how i missed the library and a topic to occupy my mind with night and day! – i want that p.hd. for myself and i want to write about something that makes me look forward to reading, writing and thinking about it everyday – i want to do something i am passionate about and books are really the only thing i would miss most if i had to give them up – so i will write a dissertation on literary geography and put all my energy and enthusiam in it and just be busy being fabulous

… i hate the world today …

… not really, but some days are just too much – in the end of such a day as today – when the whole world seems to be crushing down around me and i am driving home through the slowly starting drizzle of rain and i feel the tears welling up in my eyes – i simply want to curl up in bed, fall asleep and never wake up to face the world again – i hate myself for being such a sensitive little prat – but sometimes it cannot be helped – i am strong and independant and free, but if things get too much, a tiny little thing is enough to tip me off – then i let myself be dragged down and feel like i am in a hole without the slightest chance of ever getting out again

i hate that hole – and the feeling of being friendless and alone and hated and getting on everyone’s nerves by being so down and blue and horribly annoying in my misery – pretty damn stupid, but there it is – it cannot be helped by ordinary means – but somehow writing it all down seems to get it off my chest and i feel relieved – all the bad feeling is now gone into this blog and will remain here evermore and i will live happily ever after – at least for now

ps: not all is bad that sounds bad – a day like today and a little breakdown clears the air for infernal happiness afterwards – and there are little specs of hope and love and friendship that prove not all can be lost to despair – a message from a friend saying thank you for being their friend – someone i can trust, who helped me out without asking too much, giving me the feeling of being there for me – a hug from anyone, just showing me they care – someone trying to make me laugh and saying “don’t give shit about what others say and do – be yourself!” – that is friendship and i am so happy, i have such friends!

non, je ne regrette rien

today someone asked my, why i am blogging – there is no easy answer to this question – i like to write and there are so many things i like to share – since i am not a high profile journalist superstar, blogging is a way to let other people know, how i see the world – it is also great to channel all my anger, frustration and disappointment – but also share my fun, happy and great memories – this is almost like a diary – personal, but not quite all that intimate – everyday events and moments in time, that will likewise be remembered for ever – if you’re still in doubt, start blogging yourself – you know, you want to – it’s fun, it’s free, it’s bloody fantastic!

this is who it is…

madonna, elton john, robbie williams

pink, paris hilton, marilyn manson

*a surprise cookie to steffi*

quest for camelot

one of the best cartoons ever made – who needs disney, indeed? – this is so hilarious – i love devon and cornwell, the two headed-dragon or rather, the real reason, why cousins shouldn’t marry – then the whole king arthur and camelot background, without really pushing it and re-telling a story, that’s been re-told oh so many times already – and all the small lovely details – a little legend, a little fairy-tale, a little romance, a little adventure and a lot of fun – totally a must-see and must-have movie

laundry love

the smell of freshly washed laundry is the greatest smell there is – i would say, i am addicted to smelling it – if i could, i’d do laundry every day, just to smell the deliciousness – i’d buy laundry perfume and change my sheets every day – why do even freshly washed clothes not smell like it the whole day long, but start smelling like me, after i wear them for about half an hour? – not that i smell bad, it’s just not the same – and today, i was overwhelmed by the wonderful, fresh laundry smell on a guy and had to try really hard, not to nose too obviously and not to be all over him – seriously, i think i could have fallen in love just like that, just because of a smell

who’s who

look at them – soo cute, but who are they? one clue – they’re celebrities and all but one made a fortune with their voices – guess, who’s who and let me know – answers on monday and cookies for those who guess right

i’ve found the TARDIS

it just kept on changing places and even colors – and no sign of the doctor to be seen anywhere around:(

travel mishaps

the trip began with a strange man at the bremen train station, offering us weed, even though we repeatedly stated that we were not interested

shortly after arriving in edinburgh, we were suddenly encountering a strong feeling of hunger and ventured to find the nearest food place – the piccolo menu, advertised in the window sounded perfect, but was actually only the kid’s menu

it is highly recommended to take out one’s contact lenses at night, so that is, what i did – unfortunately, the cap to my lens box fell into the sink and down the drain and i – very much blind – had to go get help from the hostel staff

in the very end i took meself a’tumbling down salisbury craigs and – caked in mud and shame – started upon my way back to ordinary life

edinburgh

aye, here it is – impressions of three days edinburgh in a nutshell – too much to see and flat feet from too much walking – a hostel in the center of old town – fifteen minutes from the castle and fifteen from the palace of holyroodhouse, directly on the royal mile

there’s tartan everywhere, even on the bus seats – an astonishing amount of people is actually wearing kilts and the tourists are easily distinguished from the locals, as they have absolutely no sense of style (mostly), while the locals are highly fashionable

the castle is absolutely amazing – rising high over the city and – if the weather acts accordingly – providing an excellent view around and over the firth of forth into fife – the crown jewels are surprisingly not tartan, but can be viewed surrounded by a detailed exhibition about their history, crowned by the spectacular re-discovery through sir walter scott in 1818

food is yet another amazing topic – too much goodies to try in such a short time and too many cafés, pubs and places to choose from - i just want to mention two favorites – chocolate soup, provider of this amazing muffin: and the elephant house – birthplace of harry potter – i can very well imagine sitting there all day, sipping coffee and writing fantastic books

museums are mostly free, which is fantastic – you can just slip in, while it rains, check out a cool exhibition and leave again, as soon as the sky is bright and clear

and a bright and clear sky should be used to take a hike up the salisbury craigs or arthur’s seat – an amazing view of the city and surrounding country awaits the weary wanderer – in rain and fog it feels ever so slightly more scottish and very sublime – almost like the highlands, when corbies fly overhead and an eerie caw caw is the only sound to be heard besides the ever so softly constant whistling of the winds

more photos will be added to my photo blog over the next few days

in love with shakespeare

shakespeare is simply the best and the shakespeare company of bremen is simply the best troupe to be acting shakespeare as shakespeare should be acted – this has yet again been proven last night, when they staged “twelfth night” in a circus tent in schneverdingen – after helping to set up stage, it was a particular pleasure to be watching

pictures courtesy of the shakeaspeare company

i’ll be back

i am on my way to scotland and will return shortly – with photos, whiskey, loads of postcards of yumsy scotish actors, a new plaid skirt and fond memories of a shortest, but best vacation of a lifetime – god, i really need to get away, even if it is just for three days – don’t be bored without me and have a rockin’ good time – see ya!

it’s been a while…

… since my last dr who post – so, here you go – a catchy tune and clips that make me remember the great time, when i would still watch the episodes for the first time and be all excited – oh, and watch out at the end – humans, sooo amazing and sooo funny!