some things never change

men are peculiar creatures – i ain’t saying no to alien boys, as you can figure from my fascination with doctor who – but some of the regular guys are just very strange as well – neither saying hello nor goodbye at a party – suddenly trying to flirt with me after knowing me for ever, just because his girlfriend recently split up with him and my top was slightly more revealing than usual – disappearing without the least notice, after spending half the night trying to get my attention focused on him – going home after i decide it would be nice to actually talk to someone else for five minutes, even though i really do want to talk to the one person in the room that fascinates me the most, but, considering strategic thiniking, as bridget jones and cora hübsch have taught me, i thought i’d focus his attention even more on me, when i pretended i was not that interested – appear aloof and thus stay interesting – mööp, wrong turn, totally fucking wrong – i’m a fool, not a fool in love, but somehow a fool – i don’t know what i want – someone is nice to me, pays me more than a usaul amount of attention and i am gone over the edge – that’s how a crush starts – crushes are nice, but they can become off limits – especially if there is more than one guy, which there usually is, and i cannot make up my mind, which i usually can’t – and i despise tarot for its dumb affair advice – i don’t want no affair – even though i might not admit it even truly to myself, i want the bad boys – príncipe barbaro or flagrante, not pretty nice boy azul – i wan’t them to want me, fight for my attention, as if i was the only girl in the world and then carry me off into the distant for plenty of exciting adventures – if they fight, only one wins, and i don’t have to decide – what do i want again?